Taya and I becoming parents was a shock to some. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant,” said someone from church who didn’t know (or didn’t remember) that Taya and I had engaged with an adoption agency more than two years ago.
It happened so suddenly that many were caught off guard. I was one of those people.
We had been on a low-level alert for a long time. As soon as all of our paperwork was complete and the waiting began, I somehow believed that it would be quick for us. I guess that outs me as an optimist. I had previously worried that once we quit the birth control, the pregnancy might happen sooner than I wanted. I was wrong on both counts.
But we knew we could get the call any day, and that we could receive a last-minute placement. But months and months of waiting became grind. We had a stockpile of baby things that gathered dust in the basement. As we got closer to our home study renewal date, we realized that we were losing hope fast and that it was time to think of other options.
Then we got the call.
Our adoption counsellor filled us in on the details of what she knew about the birth mother and birth father. There were some private details about this adoption and some health risks for the baby that Taya and I had to understand before we agreed to go ahead with it. It was a 18-hour period of shock, excitement and fear. We learned as much and as fast as we could about the issues. We sat with it and talked about it. We agreed that this was our chance. We worked quickly on getting the house ready and our affairs in order.
Two weeks later, Finn was born. They brought him to us immediately after he was born. We stayed with him in one of the maternity rooms while his birth mother recovered in a room down the hall.
Our adoption agency specializes in open adoption, where the both the adoptive family and the birth family try to maintain a connection for the benefit of the child. We met Finn’s birth mother just before she went into delivery, and we spent the rest of the weekend getting to know her and her family. We’ll be spending the coming years reaching out to them for Finn’s sake, trying to maintain a connection to them that he can someday own.
All of this has been frightening, exciting and beautiful. We’ll see how it develops.